The Exhibitionist

There's an exhibitionist in my neighborhood, and I have to admit, I'm hooked: I spy on her all the time, and I have for months.

Well, not ALL the time. She's not always out there showing off. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure it's a she. I think it's a she, but I haven't zoomed in like it seems to want me to. Even though it's a daily show, that degree of intimacy seems a step too far...

I noticed her over the winter after I moved my workstation off the back porch. I used to sit at the kitchen counter, which gave me a view of the front yard, but lately I've been at the dining room table, which offers up my neighbor's yard and a 5-feet-or-so tall shepherd's hook that holds a bird feeder. Lois has a lot of bird feeders and has a really pretty yard.

My little friend spends a lot of time out there visiting an aerial, red-roofed bird feeder that stands under the shade of a huge maple tree.

Back in the winter when I first spied her, she was just contemplating the act she's since perfected. I suspect she was hungry and a tiny bit perplexed as to why Lois would be setting out food for birds but not for her. I could practically hear her wondering why she was left out of the free-food equation. She's not the one who decorates the car windows, after all.

The first time (that I noticed anyway) she planned to foil the unfair feeding program, she got about a foot up the shepherd's hook and then slid right down. She didn't give up, easily. Before she abandoned her quest that day, she had gotten maybe halfway up, only to slide down yet again.

She was back the next day. I pictured her going back to her drey or hole in a tree or wherever she lives and pumping tiny, squirrel-sized barbells made of walnuts and twigs. It's a step too far to imagine her mixing up tiny protein shakes in her little kitchen, but she must have powered down on the nuts because she kept coming back to the shepherd's hook to try again, and I swear she's buffed up.

With her new upper body strength, she's perfected her foraging.  It's not uncommon to see her having a snack while hanging upside down from the feeder. Mostly, though, she makes the thing sway, or she just scrapes out a handful of the seeds to scatter on the ground where she makes like a cow in clover. Occasionally a friend will join her. This is mostly why I think it's a girl -- she shares the wealth. I think a male squirrel would bare his little teeth and dare the lesser muscled rat to a fight to the bushy-tailed death.

This squirrel has six-pack abs and some seriously shredded biceps. She'd probably be able to take on a small dog and win. I do wonder if the birds she's routinely depriving of seeds are going to mount a counter attack anytime soon. So far there's no hint of it, but if it comes to that, my money's on the squirrel.

I'm no wildlife photographer and for an exhibitionist, she doesn't really like having me document her antics, but these are the best I've gotten in the past several months.

Is it the same squirrel every time? Who can say. All I know is it took a while for the little rodent to stop sliding down the pole like an exhausted stripper and there's not a constant stream of squirrels at the trough.