Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Comedy Central

Alison and Jenna had a sleepover this weekend. Excerpts:

Amy takes them to Skyzone and on the way learns more about One Direction than anyone will ever need to know.

A: "Did you know that Harry has four nipples?"
J: "Ewwwwwwww!!!! Really?"
A: "No, not really, but he has two birthmarks underneath his nipples that LOOK like two MORE
J: "Man, he better keep his shirt on."
A: "I know, right?"

Random conversations reported by special guest PhotoShooter, Amy Reed Tokash. (Yes, her maiden name is Reed. Is it any wonder why we're so close? )

Amer: "So, Ali, where does your Dad go to play poker tonight?"
A: Apparently blessed with her father's hearing, says: "I know!! I had his bottle of whiskey and scotch!"

(I have no idea what that could possibly mean.)

Amer tries again: "No, I said where does your Dad go to play poker?"
A: "Oh, I have no clue."

Romance, on short notice, is often Alison's specialty and Amer's pants are afire so often I'm not sure how she keeps supplied in Levi's. I, for one, don't believe this conversation occurred. Had my friend Alex Ogden been present, he would have put a stop to it, I'll tell you that. Jenna, the traitorious rat, is no longer my favoriter person under 5 feet.

A: "My Mom almost drove us right into a PARKED CAR on the way to your house!"
J: "Yeah, that would be your mom......"
A: "I told her, 'Mom, why don't you take your hand OFF the phone and put it ON
the steering wheel!?!"
A: "And once, my mom got so mad that someone cut her off at Taco Bell, she let the
'F' bomb fly."
J: "Wow! What did you do?"
A: "I said 'Awwwww, Mom!! You said the -- and my Mom cut me off and said don't tell your father. I'll give you an extra taco if you don't say anything."
J: "So did you tell your Dad?"
A: "NO! I'd do anything for an extra taco!"

On the way home, they stopped at Huddles and somehow got on the subject of compost. Alison wasn't sure what compost was but I do appreciate her love of simplicity.

J: "You know, it's like manure."
A: "Why don't you just call it cow crap?"

I got Alison back on Sunday. They weren't really ready to part ways but Jenna had homework and I had an Oscar party to get ready for. As usual, we left a few things behind, one of which was a volleyball kneepad -- one of the ones Alison had gotten on special request, for Christmas.

I've had a crazy busy week so far, and Jeff has had to do extra duty on both ends of the school day. When he picked her up from volleyball practice on Monday night, she was wearing one bright and shiny new black and one well-used, almost white kneepad. The white one was gifted from Annie Strahla, athlete extraordinaire. We were hoping some of her skill would seep thru the kneepad, and it just might have. The Tigers have had a pretty good season.

"What's up with the kneepads?" he asked.

"Oh, I just thought it would look cool," says Alison, no dummy. She's still smarting from her experience of losing her cell phone for a few weeks, only to find it in her winter coat pocket.

Amy later that night narced on Alison and told Jeff that she was in possession of the other black kneepad but sneaky as always, he held this tidbit close a a tick on a coonhound after an all-night hunt.

He also picked her up from school Tuesday, and during her report of the day, she made the mistake of telling him she had had the opportunity to go to confession. Like a cornered rattler, he struck: "Did you confess that you lied to your father yesterday?" he asked.

Trapped by the devastating cross examination, she hung her head and confessed again. "I just didn't want to tell you after I'd lost my phone," she said.

The day was not stellar. It had started with a 715 a.m. ortho visit where her lip was clipped while she had some wires worked on, and then pinched in the same spot during another proceedure. Jeff had reported that news to Amy, and Jenna tried to call Ali that night to check on her. Alison and I had been snuggling downstairs and I'd missed the call.

When I discovered it, I suggested she could give Jenna a return call in the morning.

"Uh. Mom," she said.

"You didn't," I said.

Yes. She'd lost her dang phone again.

She used my phone last night to call Jenna back. Amy answered, of course, and Ali asked her if she'd happened to see her phone anywhere around the house. God bless her, Amy did a search and found it in her car.

But before she found it, Amy asked Jenna if she'd seen it.

Said Jenna: "Tell her to look in her coat pocket."

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