Sunday, June 20, 2010

We need to take a parenting class

This morning, for a moment or two after a parent-to-parent conversation, I thought Jeff might have to start having only supervised visitation with Alison. Either that or he ought to stop telling me stuff. Because according to Jeff:

While I went out in search of milk and breakfast treats, Jeff and Ali were lounging amid gift bags and cards, watching a little Father's Day TV. Jeff was in charge of the remote and lingered over a channel showing the Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg's California Girls. While the thing starts out in candy land and pastel hairdos, it devolves into cupcake boobs that shoot whipped cream or something and a lot of near full nudity. It's a fun video. If you're, like, an adult... or at least in double digits.

As anyone who knows Alison, knows she's not a fan of nudity. She is a huge fan of candy. But even the background of the video didn't earn Ms. Perry a pass from my prudish little redhead.

"Dad. That girl is naked," she informed her father. She would probably have fought for the remote, but then some gummi bears entered the scene. Shortly after, that the cupcakes started erupting.

Alison was somewhat aghast. "Dad, that's just wrong," she said.

Later, they were in the basement. Alone again.


"Yes, Ali."

"Why can you say 'crap' but I can't?"

He paused. He thought. "Well, Alison, that's probably not a word either of us should use."

"You use it a lot."

"Yeah. I'll work on that."

"OK Dad."

And now, in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I feel responsible for Alison's lack of religiousity. Is that a word? Part of the reason she attends catholic school is because I want her to learn about religion from a qualified authority. Which clearly isn't me. I try to keep my own doubts and cynicism away from her, but I think it's seeped out.

She's opted to believe in paleontology rather than Christianity, and it was one point on her Religion grade that kept her from straight As for her last report card in third grade.

So we were in the car yesterday and a song came on the radio that I think is hysterical. It's called "I pray for you" by Jaron and the Long Road. It's about a guy done wrong who for some reason visited a church after a long absence. He takes the preacher up on his words and starts praying for his lady lost to fall victim to a very long list of bad stuff.

"Mom. That is the worst song EVER," Alison shouts from the back. She's shouted a lot of bad commentary of my country music, but she was particularly unhappy with this one.

"I don't think God wants you to ask for bad stuff to happen to people," she said.

I tried for a moment to explain why it was funny and that she shouldn't take the comments literally. "Haven't you ever been so mad at someone that you wanted something bad to happen to them?" I asked.

"Yeah. But I didn't ask God about it," she said.

She's so much smarter than either of us...

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