Guilty Mom Club

At a work lunch the other day, I blurted out a comment about how I could never be a stay-at-home mom and that I have job so I won’t be around my child 24/7. It didn’t come out right, and it wasn’t in context, and it seemed to scare a couple of newly married women who are eager to join the Mommy Club.

I realized I’d sounded a bit harsh when the ladies’ jaws dropped down as far as their eyes went wide. They dropped their forks and looked at me as if I had suddenly morphed into Joan Crawford.

Guilt dropped down, fast, and heavy as a brick house. “What I mean is, I’m a better mom because I’m not with Alison all day long. I’m more patient; I listen; we have fun. If I was with her all the time, I don’t think I’d be as attentive and I’d be crankier more often. It’s just not my nature,” I stammered. But I’d lost my audience. I wore the Cruella Deville label the rest of the day.

And just when I was feeling good about myself, too! I’d heard on NPR last week that kids who have highly structured play dates and go from ballet to soccer to music lessons and never get the chance to anything but follow orders are losing a very necessary skill: "imaginative play. " As I listened to the report, I was struck by all the things I was apparently doing right. Finally! Validation. I won't have to join this club I'd just read about called the Guilty Moms Club!

In case you missed the NPR report, the buzz words "imaginative play," describe what we all used to think of as your basic childhood. Apparently getting your toys to talk to each other, playing unstructured games and entertaining yourself is what helps you later in life make decisions on your own and solve problems that come along.

So our parents were masters of imaginative play and they were smart enough to never share that knowledge with us. Remember when you had to play on your own because your mom told you to “turn that TV off and get outside and play right now!” She didn't want the TV all to herself. She didn't want to hear herself think. She was making sure you had problem-solving skills. Skills you'd need later with your own kids.

I talked about this with Karin today as we laid around her house reading newspapers and gossiping while the kids engaged in some “imaginative play.” I told her about my faux pas at work but we’d both heard the NPR bit, so we decided we’re both OK as parents. Even if we do work and even if we were reading the paper and gossiping while the kids minded themselves. I mean had their imaginative play time.

After a while, we decided we’d been too lazy to continue to qualify as good parents and had to get the kids outside. So we took a walk to the library. It’s not far from Karin’s house, and the kids had a blast on the way playing in what was left of the snow and sliding down the one hill there is between Karin’s and the library.

I thought for a minute that it was a bad idea: we did have to walk back and they were getting wet. But they were having fun.

As we were leaving the library, sweet little Alex wasn’t nice at all to his mother. God love her, Karin decided he would have to (gasp!) carry his own books home. It was a shocker to Alex, who is normally a very well behaved kid who adores his mom. He was not at all happy about his literal burden, and the walk back wasn’t nearly as fun as the getting there had been.

But what a good example of good parenting! Karin gave him his books and just set off, not giving in to his pleading, and not making Hannah carry all of her books just to even things out. “Hannah wasn’t mean to me,” was all she said in answer to his notation of the discrepancy.

I’m guessing that Alex won’t be snotty to his Mom for a long time, and I wonder if I’d have made such a good decision and kept to it. So yeah, I’m still trying to get out from under the load of guilt bricks.

Speaking of guilt, I did escape another huge pile brought on by my not being organized and missing Keri McGrath’s baby shower. I called to apologize and beg forgiveness and learned that little Oscar has arrived. I'm going to see him soon. Pictures are allegedly making their way to me, and I'm making the road trip to Anderson.

For those of you who know and love Keri (infamous for her love of Granny panties and horror films) she’s doing a great job. Burger is jealous of the baby, though… I’ll share the pix when they arrive.