Le Chateau de Blanc and Chateau de Pee-ew

I don't mean to cause any trouble here, but last night I had my first night on my new mattress with a proper foundation. I also had my first White Castle experience. The two will be forever enshrined in my olfactory system.

For those of you not blessed with White Castle in your region, it's a mostly Midwest burger chain that some people -- mostly men despite the photos on its website -- claim is next to manna from Heaven. There's even a White Castle Hall of Fame for those who've gone to great lengths to satisfy "the crave" -- think helicopter delivery to people at sea or in other areas of wilderness where there's not "Whitey" delivery.

Somehow I had escaped the actual eating of a slider lo these many years in Hoosierland. My friend Peter used to bring them in by the truckload at Angie's List, and Jeff always includes it in the rotation when we're trying to find something fast to eat.

Last night at the Christ the King Trivia Night, I caved. They're two-bite sized little things. Warm and fragrant, they have onions and pickles. I love pickles. The wait staff convinced Jeff he needed onion fries and crinkle fries as well, so we had those, too. (Knowing we'd have a bunch of bad-for-us-food, I brought a veggie platter with garlic hummus as one of our apps as well.)

I had three sliders and a good portion of both kinds of fries along with champagne (because, if you're going to drink, you should drink champagne) M&Ms, some jalapeno things, a cheesy-cauliflower bacon thing and some guilt-laced portions of the veggies because I'd gone off the rails dietarily.

There were more than 400 people packed into the CKS gym, and they were loud. Particularly the tables around me. Which was a good thing.

Because one of the side effects of White Castle sliders is flatulence. Thanks for that warning, Jeff. Yeah. Like, a lot. Jeff bought 18 sliders. Some with cheese. There were none remaining so I'm pretty sure we gassed up the place like it's never been gassed before. (It's a gym, so thank the good Lord for high ceilings.)

I'm not one to embrace the fart. It's just not my thing. Jeff celebrates them like it's the Fourth of July, and he's passed this on to Alison. I was just thankful Beth Harriman's party was having a good, loud time.

On the way home, I was discussing my dissatisfaction with the cuisine. More precisely with it's residue, and Jeff laughed. He has a buddy whose new wife won't let him have White Castle sliders if he's going to be in their home. She's away for six days.

What's said buddy doing? Indulging his crave, of course. Probably for all six days. I should have Jeff tell him to light a three-wick candle in every room the night before she comes home. Although a spark might send his house up in a ball of greasy slider fire.

But I spoke of my bed. Yeah. It's finally perfect. Right now it's airing out. It's a good thing I have a lot of candles.