We are SO going to Hell

Alison brought home her report card on Thursday, and it was stellar. She even improved her conduct and got a "good attitude" note.

We were so proud.

She'd had a bit of trouble adjusting to second grade and had had a series of minor conduct infractions early in the school year. It became, as some of you may remember, quite the issue with Captain Reed. He imposed a series of punishments for her if she didn't shape up; with repeat violations, the punishment would step up.

Faced with a weekend of being grounded from her Webkinz, the computer and TV for the full weekend should she step out of line again, Alison's conduct improved to perfect. Hence the bump up to A (from, gasp! B+) and the note about her attitude on her report card.

So imagine the level of horror she was facing Friday when smack in the middle of class, she got nailed with a conduct cut.

I'm sure she weathered the storm fine at school. When I picked her up, though, all the chickens came home to roost. She confessed and then wailed, "Now Dad is going to ground me for three whole days and I won't be able to watch TV or play with my Webkinz, and I'll have to write sentences!"

I asked her if she'd been given some warning before the hairy arm of the law came down hard. (Not in those exact words) She said, and I quote: "I don't recall."

Oh, woe was Ali for the entire trip home. She sniffled. She cried. I told her that she needed to calm down, that she'd face some punishment but that it wasn't worth all the angst. I asked her what she thought a suitable punishment was.

"Well, maybe I should not be allowed to read any books," she offered.

I laughed almost as loud as I did (in my head) when she couldn't recall the exact order of events. "Try again," I said.

But here's why she thought a ban on books was in order:

She earned her first conduct cut of 2009 for reading. Yeah. For reading Of course she was supposed to be listening to the teacher teach them about... what was that again? Oh yeah. Religion. She got busted for reading a chapter book instead of listening to a lesson on religion. Even the teacher was amused if the conduct slip was any indication. "Alison was reading instead of listening to the lesson in religion," Mrs. Zinkan wrote. She followed it up with smiley face and a parenthetical "It's OK."

Well of course it isn't OK for a 2nd grader to disrespect the teacher. But come on. Getting in trouble for reading at school is like getting in trouble for helping too many old ladies across the street.

I read illegally throughout my academic career. Usually it was more steamy stuff than Sideways Tales from WaySide School, but hell's bells! Of course it was religion class.

Anyway, we get home and she slow walked it downstairs to confess to the Captain. He was his usual firm self, and we agreed that she'll be banned from screen time tonight and most of tomorrow.

After she'd calmed down and agreed that it was a fair sacrifice to pay for her errant ways, he told her about the plan to go to the movies tomorrow night while I host Bunco.

"Ahem, Dad!"

"What?"

"Remember my punishment? What do you think movies are shown on? A screen," she informed him.

I'm afraid she's going to the kid who reminds the teacher about assigning homework for the weekend. I'm going to have to start seeding her reading material...