5 things I learned while sick in bed

1. You really should pay attention when the doctor says to go home and go to bed.
2. NyQuil is my friend.
3. Never take NyQuil after you see "Tornado Warning" flash on your TV.
4. If you must take NyQuil after the tornado warning, make sure you have a friend who'll get you to safety in your comatose state.
5. NyQuil helps abate the terror that tornadoes can inspire.

5 things I learned at Carribean Cove

1. There are 7,534 different styles of bathings suits on the market in America; only 4 people look good in any of them.

2. 10 is too young for a bikini that shows your ass cheeks even when worn correctly.

3. If the reports on belly fat are true, Indiana is going to be in trouble in about 10 years when most of the population won't remember who they are.

4. There should be a national holiday for the person who thought up indoor water parks for places where it's cold in the winter.

5. Even if parts of you spill over certain sectionsof your swim suit, you look beautiful having fun in the water with your kid

5 Things I Learned at Dance Class Tonight

1. If you eat a burrito (or two) 30 minutes before dance class, it will try to crawl back (from any orifice it can) out before you've finished warming up.
2. If you position yourself to be smack in the middle of where two mirrors meet, you can cut your body weight and size in half.
3. Just like high school, if you distract the teacher and let him/her tell a personal story, you'll reduce the amount of work you actually have to do.
4. Scarfing down a double cheeseburger on the way home from dance class because you were afraid to eat beforehand makes you need to find that line between the mirrors again.
5. Just like the gym, dance class is better when you're with a friend.

5 Things I Learned at the Gym Today

5. No one looks good with words splashed across their ass. No one.

4. Men should wear long, loose shorts when they’re working out in public.

3. You should never actually speak to, or make eye contact with, that cute guy you sneak peeks at.

2. The people who look good while working out piss me off.

1. Working out sucks unless you’re with a friend who agrees with points 1-5.