I only wanna learn this once.

Alison announced this week that she wants to get her ears pierced.

After I got up off the floor and righted my chair, I said, "Really?"

To-date her interest in all things girly has been below zero. When she was little she loved dresses and was often found in the front yard magnolia wearing her mesh tutu and dangly little top, Dora the Explorer panties exposed to the world.

But for the last two years it's been pants, pants, pants. She has to be cajoled to bathe, and she continues to have zero interest in grooming her own hair. Or any other body parts for that matter. She likes snakes and can't wait for the day at overnight camp when they play in the mud all day long.

As for romance, other girls are always whispering about their latest crush. Ali wants nothing to do with that kind of behavior. (Her father is openly thrilled at everything but the hygiene parts of her wants and desires.)

So she might as well have told us she was joining the circus or hatching a tiny dinosaur when she hit us with the ear piercing thing. Jeff isn't happy about it but he agreed to surprise her Friday with a joint pickup from school and a trip to the mall and the ear-piercing gun.

She was so excited, but truly nervous about the pain. So we get there. She gets in the chair and asks to see the gun. She gulped. Her little hands got sweaty. She got tears in her eyes and it was over.

We'll go back when she's ready. While milling about at the Broad Ripple Art Fair today and viewing some pretty swanky earrings, she declared herself ready to face the chair again. She talked it all over with a lady who sells earrings and two ladies who sat across from us while she had her chicken strips. She's very earnest when she interviews these random strangers. "Does it bleed when you get your ears pierced? Does it hurt? How long does it hurt?"

She's asked me to keep her in the chair no matter what. "I'm gonna suck it up and just do it, Mom. Let's do it."

Cross your fingers. There may be an update to this saga...but first...

While still reeling from the specter of a pierced child, I heard Ali ask Jeff what 'hump' meant. They were at the dinner table and I was in the kitchen getting a jump on dinner cleanup.

I know when to stay out of things. So stayed put.

He tried the "it'a bump" routine. I knew that wasn't going to work but I discovered a spot of pasta sauce that needed scrubbing so I stayed where I was.

"No. Dad, the other meaning," she said.

The artful dodger, he's not. "Where are you hearing this? Who is using this word?"

Of course it was kids at school. I thought about rescuing him only to hear him take a deep breath and say, "Well Ali that word sometimes is used as slang and means when a mom and dad try to make a baby.

"You mean S-E-that-letter-that-comes-before-Y?"

I could just hear his heart fall out of his chest. I'm pretty sure he fainted for just a little bit.

I came back to the room, laughing just a little. "Do you mean sex, honey?

She blushed and said yes, but reminded us that she's only in fourth grade and didn't really want to know any details about, you know, "that."

I reminded her that it would soon be covered at school. She nodded and acknowledged that she wasn't thrilled about the impending lesson.

I took my own deep breath and said, "Well, do you want to learn about it at school or from us?"

There was no hesitation. "School,"she said. "I only want to learn this once."