A week of Alison's Summer Break-ation

I’ve been telling Ali she should journal her summer now that it’s blown up by her collarbone fracture. She’s resisting but giving me gems. Here’s what I recall her actually saying along with some imagined journaling she'd do if she ever listened to me.

I promised I'd make sure you know this is ME journaling; not her. #Teenagers

Ali's Summer Break-ation

Day 1 (Thursday): Was going to the movies with Navy to see Pirates of the Carribean but got flipped off my bike and broke my collarbone. Hurts like a mother and when I called for help from my parents, neither one answered the phone. A random stranger and her husband helped me. Navy came and then my mom. I kind of gave her a hard time but she was beating herself up so well I didn’t need to.  I gave her a break. I'm what they call a benevolent despot.

Got home around midnight from the hospital. Will be sleeping on the Yogi Bo for a while so I don't hurt myself. Supposed to call out if the pain gets too bad.

Day 2 (Friday): I thought I’d get more time to get used to this sling and being a cripple but my mom just told me I still have to do chores. WTF??? I tried. It hurt. She said I could stop. Seemed really sorry that she’d made me do it. I guess I shouldn’t have told her that it wasn’t hurting me “at all.” Guess she’s not a total bitch. Wait: I wonder if this means I don’t get my allowance now...

I did get to go to my cat sitting job but I couldn’t ride my bike to get there like I'd planned. An hour with the kitties and I come out wearing a ton of cat fur. Mom got it off my sling and I showered. Alone. Thank you very much. I like her help but really didn’t need/want her in the shower with me. I'm 16 not 2!!!!!

Not taking the prescription pain med. It’s Vicodan!!!! Pretty sure I’ll be a drug addict if I start. Ice and ibuprofen is working just fine. I told Jenna about my arm. She said I’m a dumbass for not wearing my helmet. Guilty. Zoya and Hannah texted me all alarmed. They read my mom's blog. Guess I should tell some other people about it.

Took flowers to the Bryants (the family that rescued me) and picked up the bike. It's in better shape than I am....

Went to the Indians game. They won. It was fun. Got to go to the bathroom ALL BY MYSELF!!! My parents are weird. They practically body-guarded me walking in so I had no chance of getting knocked into by the crowd. I can walk, people....

Day 3 (Saturday): Bored. Mom tells me I should start my drivers’ ed online course. That sounds boring too. Just realized this stupid sling means I can't water ski or paddle board at Auntie Jen's. That is so unfair! And Jenna is going with me this year. Stupid collarbone. My life sucks.

Got through the rest of The Office on Netflix. Super fun. Maybe life doesn't exactly suck.

Considered feeling guilty that Mom is doing my laundry. Opted not to. I'm the crippled one. 

Saw the late show of Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Mom drank a Rockstar to be sure she made it to the end. She smuggled in chocolate for me. I love her. (She did not fall asleep!)

Day 4 (Sunday): Super bummed. I’m supposed to be going to Summer Camp today. Stupid sling. Mom and Day say I can probably go for part of the week if the doctor clears me. I don’t want to go if I can’t do anything. This summer sucks.

Dad came in to hang out with me. I was on the couch. He was on the YogiBo. Mom left for something. He was asleep before she got in the car, I think. Napping is good.

Ogdens came by to see how broken I am. I love them. They brought me creme brûlée!!!

Day 5 (Monday): Supposed to go to the orthopedic doctor to see if I need surgery. Something with insurance happened. Now no doctor visit. Mom seems pissed.  On phone a lot with nurses. It’s funny when she talks back to voice mail.

She said maybe I could go to summer camp, still, if the doctor cleared me. I really don't want to go if I can't do anything. Feel bad about stranding Bree there, though.

Catching up on South Park. OMG they killed Kenny! Bastards!

Day 6 (Tuesday): Researching collar bone breaks to see what I’m looking at. I don’t want to spend all summer in a sling. Getting some summer homework done. Have not started drivers’ ed.

Day 7 (Wednesday): Doctor visit. Practically at dawn. Doesn’t anyone know it’s summer? I think I impressed the doctor with my collarbone research. 

It’s a Type 3 break. I KNEW it. Xrays are cool too. Navy had been saying I didn’t really break it because they called it a fracture at the ER. Ha! Suck it, Navy!!! It’s totally broken. Super cool. And my bruise is getting bigger and easier to see, too. He says I don't have to wear the sling 24/7 and I can move around and if it hurts, stop. I made sure Mom was paying attention. I'M NOT A CRIPPLE OR 2 YEARS OLD!!!!!

Dad was home from work because we had some service call at the same time as the doctor visit. Mom had gone somewhere and I was on the couch. Hungry. Dad was in the kitchen just hanging. I asked him to make me Ramen, apparently without enough pathetic in my voice.

"Get your lazy butt off the couch and make your own damn Ramen. You're not crippled," he said.

I stopped myself from saying, "Mom would do it." So I made my own damn Ramen. And I made it fancy too. He said: "Hey that smells good. You gonna share?"

"Make your own damn Ramen," I said. I was pretty sure calling him lazy would be a step too far. But he made his own damn Ramen.

I wonder when Mom's coming home.

Day 8 (Thursday): Slept for 12 hours. Almost straight through. Kinda fell off the YogiBo but didn’t hurt myself. Doing a little more homework and have trash duty to look forward to. (NOT! I HAVE A BROKEN BONE, MOM. REMEMBER??!?)

Mom brought home Zheng Garden. I love her. Still haven’t started drivers’ ed. I have all summer, Mom!

Day 9 (Friday): Not a bad day at all. Slept in my own bed for the first time in a while. Did not fall off the bed. Go me! Mom was on a big writing spree so I got most of the day mostly to myself. Went to the gym with her today. Went 30 minutes on a bike that can't kill me. Feeling more in control of myself.

Day 10 (Saturday): So excited. An escape is just hours away. They're finally letting me out of their sight so I can help my friend Nikki and her family at the International Festival and then I get to sleepover at her house. Miss Sidi is an awesome cook and I LOVE her. They're Hungarian and I'm pretty sure they're not going to constantly be asking me if I'm OK or in pain. I guess I could have it worse: I mean, my parents care about me and all.  I love them. But man am I looking forward to a break. As in "time off." I don't need another bone break. :)

Mom seems to be taking well to this being at home. She says she's not working but it sure seems like she's keeping busy somehow. She says she's writing a book, which is kind of weird and embarrassing. I've seen what she reads. Trying to talk her into using a pen name if she actually gets it done. I really don't need my MOM to be writing porn.