Shopping with Ali

So there I was sleeping soundly this morning when I heard sobs coming up from the basement. I thought it was a dream. Then I thought it was Ali coughing. But yeah, it was wailing. I trot down to investigate. She's discovered the loss of one of her Littlest Pet Shops -- Chi Chi the Chinchilla. The only thing left of it was its tiny striped stocking cap -- with two points to cover its oversized ears.

She was truly upset, but she was surrounded by literally dozens of other LPS family members, so it was difficult to join in the lament. We searched. We pondered. We checked the places we'd missed before. But no Chi Chi turned up.

And of course today is the day we shop for her friend Sarah's birthday party, and of course Sarah wants more LPS. So I made a deal with the neglectful LPS mother. If she'd help me on my errands -- really help me and behave at her very best -- we'd look for another chinchilla. Off she flew to get her shoes.

• At the drycleaner's she was a jewel.
• At Blockbuster she was a gem.
• At the BP gas station, she cleaned out the trash in the back seat and threw it away.
  
• At the recycling center, she was a vision of eco-friendliness.
• At Walmart, she proved invaluable in the search for stage one of the perfect Sarah gift

But here I have to pause and admit that I hate Walmart. I go there, sure: stuff is cheaper. But these days, we have to pass by the fish in the pet section every time we go, and there were at least a half dozen of the little swimmers for sale who'd gone belly up. I thought it might freak Alison out, but she took it in stride. "I think there ought to be someone who could take those dead dudes out there," she said. "No one wants to buy a dead fish."

Not three minutes later, I thought I'd found a huge bargain -- a $20 LPS item marked down to $7. "Hey, wouldn't Sarah love to have this?" I asked.

"Mo-om. Who would want to buy that? The dog's head is already off," came the reply.

Sure enough. There was a decapitated dog inside the box. Maybe my standards are out of whack, but I think my local Walmart needs to keep the dead and dismembered merchandise to a minimum.

After escaping the big blue box store, I decided I should use a gift card leftover from Christmas and make a side trip to Kohl's, although I know Ali has little patience for stores without LPS or sticky donut sections.

"Coal!? But I haven't been bad!" she exclaimed. She calmed down quickly when I explained it was a different kind of coal.

• At Kohl's, she bargain shopped like a trooper.
• At Target, she happily helped with Stage 2 of Sarah's gift and to reward her good work, I let her spend $5 on a replacement LPS -- Chi Chi II has yet to be found in stores.
  
• At Kroger (I couldn't bring myself to buy produce at the dead fish/dismembered dog Walmart) she helped find fresh fruits and vegetables and even swiped the UPC codes at the self-check out line.
  

Before we left the store, though, she shared a little insight I thought you might enjoy.

I was giving voice to Bright Eyes, the LPS dog Alison settled on back at Target. We'd visited the bathroom and Ali was telling the dog (me) about life. She'd just finished a dissertation on the life cycle of poop -- the dog was curious about why they were in the bathroom...

"Do you know why were in that room instead of this one?" she asked as we left the ladie's room.

"Nope," I arfed.

"Well, it's because we were in the girl's bathroom. It's just for girls. That other one is the men's room. It's for men and boys."

"What's a men?" I asked.

"Well a man is a little boy whose all grown up. I'm a girl. When I grow up I'll be a woman. And then I'll get married to a boy and I'll have a little baby. But I won't be a woman anymore. I'll be a Mom," she explained. "And then I'll be a grandma and then I'll die and go to heaven. It's a life cycle too -- just like the poop I was telling you about."

So there you have it:

People don't want to buy belly up fish or headless dolls. And people aren't that much different than poop when you think about it.

I need to shop with her more.